Ok, here is a really, really obvious one that men just don't get! Ugh! Now, here's the deal. Most guys have zero and I mean Zero clue of Body language, spacial awareness, social awareness, body cues and or social skills. I mean, admit it, every single one of those categories, words or phrases leaves you with a complete blank, right? Well, for most men, it does, yet for women, this is what women talk about every time they get together. They break down the slightest nuance, pay close attention to it, talk to their girlfriends about it, read magazines and body language books, psychology books, communication books, even things like Hypnosis and actually take courses on these things. Why? Because this is what turns women on sexually! I mean, seriously, look at magazines in the grocery stores in the line you stand in next to the conveyor belt. Look at the top titles. How to get that man to marry you in less than a year. How to know if he is really in Love with you. How to "Influence" him to do your bidding. How to trick him into buying you that bigger diamond ring Etc. etc. etc. I mean, seriously, guys wake up already! If you think that after being in a relationship with a female for more than a year or 2 that you have stepped into a highly trained fighting machine, then yes, you are right! In all sincerity, it's like stepping into a ring with a highly trained and conditioned fighter who has years of actual fighting experience with her coaches; ie. girlfriends, mom, aunts, female friends, etc. in her corner! She and her professionally trained and experienced coaches have planned and strategiesed on how she is going to win the war of the relationship. And here you come, Mr. Puppy eyes, ready to Love her with a hand full of flowers arranged all pretty like, ready to give her whatever she wants! The bell rings and then, like a professional Boxer, Bamm!!! She knocks you out! Game over! And she moves on to the next Challenge! Damn it, get back up and learn how to fight for crying out loud! In this case, you have to learn how to be that catch she desires. And like all puppy dogs, you are sitting there going, "What in the hell just happened?" It's funny, the way women approach relationships and the way men approach relationships, are completely and totally the opposite! And it all comes from the caveman days! A survival mechanism that was developed over hundreds of thousands of years and is still active even though in the modern world it clearly is not needed. I will go into this more and more in my book, "Crack the Female Code". For now, let me share this, there is no need for men and women to be at each others throats. But clearly, we do need to become conscious of our unconscious needs from the Caveman era which are still operating in our smaller brain's mating system, which has an extremely powerful effect on everything when dealing with the opposite sex! There are clearly things that both men and women do that are rather reptilian, unfair, cruel and flat out mean! And yes, they all come from this older instinctual brain that is fighting for survival. The only problem is, we are not in the Caveman era and we are not in survival mode anymore! So, that being said, it's time to continue our Journey into Waking Up! Now, since this specific blog it to help men meet women and feel much more comfortable by making her feel more comfortable, we are going to talk about something that men do that scares the living crap out of women. Ok, here it is! Stop! Stop! Just freaking stop, back up and give her her space! That's it! Now what do I mean... Well, remember just a few paragraphs above where I said things like body language, communication, social skills, social awareness, etc. etc.? Well, this is an girls entire world. Women start looking at this stuff and literally studying it like scientist from the early age of before 13 years old. Yes, I am serious. By the time a female is 18 years old, she should at least be given a Bachelors degree in "The Power of Influence and Manipulation" and it is all done in Social skills, communication, body language, tonality, tone, tempo and rhythm, etc. etc. Have you ever wondered what it is that women talk incessantly about for hours and hours every time they get together and just chat away? This stuff right here! My God daughter, when she was in high school would come to me and tell me real life scenario's about what "this guy said and what this girl said and how when she said it, she lowered her tone, then turned and looked up, then down and then directly in his eyes when she said, etc. etc. etc." "What do you think she meant by that?" Seriously guys, girls study every little detail in interactions with every single person they come into contact with! And they have been doing this for a long, long, long, long time! This is her entire world. To her, this is what life is allllllllll about! Social Interaction, chatting, going to social gatherings, body language, the way you say something means everything! And yet, you have no clue about this stuff. And this terrifyingly shocks women. And women can't figure out why you don't' put top importance on this stuff, because it's fun to her and leads to sex with her! And here you come along with a puppy smile and flowers in your hand! Not exactly her master communications and social interactions Hero to her! So by the time you are 18 years old, you are way, way, way behind the social curve! But, here's the cool thing. If you are one of the very, very, very few men who learn how to just simply be aware of what I am talking about here, all of a sudden, You, yes You become her Romantic Hero! See, 1 of the main differences in men and women is that men are highly visual as in mating systems trigger, and to men, it's all about external Beauty, visually and women just can't relate to that. And, to women, it's all about Social interactions and communication. Nothing and I mean Nothing turns a girl on more than a man who has phenomenal social skills and (Right Brain) communication skills. It's hard wired into her system, literally. It is a huge, sexual turn to on to her, for a man who learns how to interact and socialize in this (Right Brain) way! Because, it tells her mating system that you have social and influence skills and you have the smarts to get ahead in life and are good at socializing and can meet people easily and make friends and thus will increase your ability to get a better position in life, in the tribe and in the corporate world or any world that you are in! Period! And this tells her mating system that you will be a better provider than that guy who lifts weights all day or does construction. This is why we have the Beauty and the Beast Scenario which is so true in real life too! This is why we see these Beautiful nad feminine girls with these Beastly Men. Her mating system is triggered by a man who can communicate well, is highly aware and understands social skills. This is the epitome of the Caveman who is completely connected to his instinctual skills and right brain social skills. He is aware, in tune with his body and what his body picks up through body language and other social interactions. He can read people very, very well. * Unfortunately the modern, more educated male is completely the opposite of this. He has a highly developed left brain which does not turn on her right brain connected mating system. This is also why the modern rich man seems to struggle ceaselessly to keep a girl or even find a girl who loves him for him! She marries him for financial security, not Love! Now here is the unbelievable problem that most rich men go through. IN the modern world, it's all about the left, linear, logical brain that can function very well in the modern world. But in the Caveman world, he would die in a heart beat. (Which by the way is very Unattractive and a major turn off!) The right brain is highly aware of what's going on around him for 100's of yards to even more than a mile. And in that era with wild beast ready to kill him, that is highly valuable to her. Thus, no matter how rich he gets, she never feels secure, because the linear brain is the "Oblivious Brain" and has shit for social skills or social awareness. I know I know, but Mike, we live in a modern world. Yes, this is true, but her and our lower, instinctual brains #1 job is to keep us alive and reproduce and it over rides the larger human brain for these 2 things! Period! So, in this way, it absolutely rules! Sorry, but that's life, you better learn this! This is why so many women fall madly, head over heals in love with Criminals and Gangsters, because Gangsters, etc. absolutely must rely on their (Right Brain) Awareness skills in order to stay alive, just like the Caveman! And this directly triggers her mating system and puts her at ease and relaxes her! Now, here's the cool thing. You don't have to be a gangster or criminal. But, you do have to learn how to open up to this form of communication, body language, social skills, etc. So here is tip #1 - Stop! Back up, Slow down and talk slower and listen! Now, what do I mean? Well, most Modern and Caveman see a hot chick visually external beauty that is, and boom it literally triggers his "Linear" hunting system and up go his blinders and he is totally focused on her tits or ass just like a Caveman or any man on the hunt for food. And this scares the crap out of her and turns her off sexually because he becomes oblivious, just like the Puppy eyed guy with flowers. (Now, yes, in the Caveman days, you could take what you wanted, but the first chance she gets, she is going to run. What we are doing here is making her highly, sexually attracted to you by learning how to trigger her mating system!) Seriously our hunting system is not only right next to our mating system, it is directly, neurologically connected to our mating system. And, remember, our mating system is in our smaller, lower reptilian brain which holds our instinctual fight and flight and mating systems. So Horny Caveman see's pretty Cave girl. Suddenly horny caveman gets really serious and his eyes suddenly get narrow and his pupils get smaller, really small. We are now at Depth Com 5, ready to launch sir! He is not hunting her just like he would an animal to kill and eat! Now, this scares the living crap out of girls. I mean, think about it. Better yet, take my course and I will open you up to your right brains higher awareness and then I will take you out in public and you will see guy after creepy guy with that narrow hunter vision, locked on, like a powerful warhead, ready to launch with the beeper beeping. And then he/you has this completely disconnected smile pasted on his face, like that's going to fool her! hahaha... Now here is the deal! YOU DO THIS! YES, You do!!! My job is to get you the hell out of this! Because you are scaring the crap out of that poor girl! Now, a long time ago, when I was in my 20's, my ex girlfriend who worked at JC Penny's came home one day in a slight panic and said out loud, "Ugh!!! I hate it! Men!!!! They come in and look at me like they want to hunt me, kill me and then eat me!" Now, I just laughed and blew it off. But, she kept coming home saying the same thing over and over. And she was really upset! And I stopped and said, "Wait a minute, you really mean this don't you?" And she said, "Yes, it's scaring the crap out of me!" See guys, this is what the average man does to a girl even if you think you don't! You do! hahaha... I can't tell you how many guys do this and have zero clue they are doing it! Now, here's what happens. You see a Cave girl who you think is hot or cute or sexy and you literally go into hunter mode. And as I said before, your eyes narrow, your pupils get smaller. Well, why is this? Because when you go hunting, you narrow your vision to aim at a specific target, just like with a gun or bow and arrow, and lock onto your target! Now, you can't see this, but this gives you that Freddy Krueger, Nightmare On Elm Street look! You know, that guy who's face is burned off who slashes people do death! So yeah, you get this very narrow, what's called "Linear" Angular look all over your face and eyes and it is freaking creepy! In fact, this is exactly what women say when they talk about stalker creepers, which by the way is the majority of men because it's instinctual, you not only can't help it, but you have to be trained in how not to do it! Now you might think I am kidding, but you have never actually stopped and noticed how creepy guys look when they like a girl! hahaha... I mean, it's hilarious, he really genuinely likes her, but is triggered into hunger, Freddy Krueger Mode! So, here is what you do instead! Next time you meet a girl, simply walk up to her, breath deeply and slowly and just relax. And make sure you relax and soften your vision. This helps keep you from going into this ultra, left brain, lock on linear, hunter vision. Then take a 1/2 a step back and then either stand neutral or lean back a little. And watch what happens. She will suddenly be interested and lean towards you. What do most guys do? They lock on, lean forward, invade her 18 inches of legal body space and then penetrate her right in the eyeballs, poking her eyes with his lazer beam eyes. And nothing, nothing pisses off or irritates or scares a girl away from you than this. If you don't believe me, have any girl read these last few paragraphs and this one. Better yet, go out and watch other guys do this to girls. And notice who #1 She wills step back, then #2 lean back, then #3 Cross her arms, even turn away. And many times, she has this pissy, angry or irritated look on her face and men completely miss this! If you think you don't, I would bet $5 right now that you do unless you are that 1 in a million. Men are so, so, so, so completely oblivious to such obvious signs it's not even funny! And women say it allllllllll the time. And then the idiot next to her says, "Oh, I don't do it!" While he is doing it at that moment! Most of my clients and most men in general have no idea of these things and don't realize they are doing them until I record them on camera out in public and then they see it! Right now, right next to me about 8 feet away at Starbucks is a cute young Japanese couple and he is literally leaning back in his chair, with his arms crossed! And he is just listening to her and watching her body language and is trying to figure out if he is even interested in her. He does not have a smile on his face at all. He is just watching and listening with a semi disinterest in her! (This falls under the cat and mouse trigger in her mating system. Go to the chapter on cat and mouse!) Well, guess what? She is totally into him. She is talking fast, and is literally sitting up with her butt off the chair and is leaning forward, over smiling, over talking, talking fast, using her hands too fast, trying to get his attention. At this point, she is willing to do anything to catch his attention! Hmmmmmmm... sound familiar? Sound like you??? I bet it does. If you keep doing what she is doing, you will never get the girl. So stop trying to kiss ass... And for God's Sake, stop trying to impress her, this "PUSH ENERGY" will literally push her away from you! So sit back, relax, maybe even cross your arms and watch what happens! hahaha This my friends is what we call Turning the Tables and getting her to chase you! And women absolutely Love the Chase! So be the kind of guy she can chase! P.s. BAMMM!!! This guy is in! hahaha... couldn't have done it better myself! But, then again this guy is a student of mine! He gets an A for the day! So let's get this clear! #1 Women are the opposite of the way men are. A. Lean back B. Take 1/2 a step back or sit back in your chair. C. Don't try to impress her or you will turn her off big time, she has to impress you! Otherwise, you are just not impressed, thus you move on! D. Shhhhhh... let her talk and talk and talk and you sit there and wonder if you are interested in her! E. Cross your arms in the beginning for a while. Now, in all sincerity, if you really, really want to learn how to do this and really master this art to the point where it's fun, easy and you can get creative with it, then Give me a call at 415 456 8558 and set up an appointment. Because there is a lot more to this and how to actually do it effectively! Mike Kollin Now here is a true, true story of a guy I use to know in Vacaville California. Just an acquaintance from the Gym who I ran into at a Chevy's Mexican Restaurant for lunch. I am at the counter and he comes up and sits next to me and starts talking in his overly cocky way to cover up his insecurities. After I get my food, I go to the bathroom, wash up and when I come back, there he is starting intensely at this waitress all the way across the room. And he is in ultra, laser beam, beady little eyed form! She runs back into the kitchen, scared. (Now here's the thing, when you are in that left, linear part of your brain, you don't pick up on social ques or body language or tonality shifts at all. And, neither did he! And as I have said before, this is very usual for men, because men are stuck in their left brain and can't pick up on whether she is happy, sad or terrified! If you don't believe me, ask older, mature women and ask them to tell you the truth, because other wise, she will just tell you what you want to hear!) So, I immediately grab him by the shoulders and force him to look away from the kitchen. And I say, "Hey, what are you doing, why are you staring at her like that?" He says, "I am trying to let her know I like her!" I then say, "Dude! Stop staring at her, it's freaking her out and you are going to get kicked out of the restaurant!" Well, sure enough, the manager comes out of the kitchen and is starting right at him! And, I attempt to tell him that the manager is about to kick him out! And he looks at me like I am crazy and says, "How do you know?" And I say, "Because he is staring at you right now and that's why she ran back into the kitchen, to get him because you are scaring her!" And he refuses to acknowledge any of this and doesn't even see the manager staring at him, because he is in such an intensely narrowed vision that he can't even see the manager 3 feet to the right of the door to the kitchen! Now here's the thing, he insists she isn't scared and didn't run into the kitchen for that reason. Now why is this? Because he literally can't see it! And all, all, all men go through this and have zero clue! Now, to me, in my right brain, it was soooooooo "OBVIOUS!!!!" And not just me, but all the female waitresses too! They were getting ready to have a revolution on his ass! (Now if you are thinking that this is just this guy, you are clearly, clearly fooling yourself! All men do this and can't see for shit when it comes to what a girl is going through! And, you have to realize, he wasn't any worse than any average or normal guy who see's a girl he likes.) So she comes out of the kitchen and sure enough, my friend goes back into lock on, ultra linear mode and stares at her with that Freddy Krueger look. Now stop and realize, before she told the manager and alerted him to this, he was just as oblivious to this as was the bartender or any other guy in the room. In fact other than me, the only guy who was aware of this at all was the manager and that was only because she alerted him to it. So he came out and literally stood across the room staring at my friend and because of that, he clearly saw it! Otherwise, not even he would have noticed. But, every single waitress within the area and women at other tables were aware of it. Now why is this? Because men are not in the same part of their brain as women and do not pick up on these clear, clear social ques that women see as bright as the sun in the sky and a bright and sunny day! But, I will make you just as aware so you can have more power in dating and attracting women. Now at this point, I tell him one more time to stop looking at that girl because he is going to get kicked out! And in a very rude manner, he says I am full of shit, etc. etc. So, I gladly grabbed my food and slid 2 seats down the bar from him. And then BAMM!!! The manager walks directly up to him and orders him out of the restaurant. And I just start laughing my ass off at this point! And in complete astonishment he asks the manager why? And the manager tells him that he is scaring his waitress and has been watching him for over 5 minutes now! And then orders him out immediately... TIP: IF you like a girl, immediately walk up to her and start chatting with her. Because trust me the use the force technique like my friend did, will not work no matter how hard you stare at her! Now, if you don't know what to say, then take my course on "How to talk to women effortlessly!" You know, funny thing is, at the gym another day, he was in absolute astonishment that I knew in advance that what was going to happen. And I looked at him with equal absolute astonishment! hahahaha.... Ok, one more true story! Now I had this client who was fairly successful. He had a million dollar home in Mill Valley California, which is in Marin County, the top 10 richest county in the United states at the moment anyways. Now, this guy was in his early 50's, was very, very confident, extremely healthy and in phenomenal shape and was a serious rode bike rider and watched everything he ate! And he had a very successful business in Marin county! Now this guy was not shy, but rather a very aggressive type of guy with men and women, business and social. Now this guy's challenge was that he was the typical modern male. Now, first of all, why do you think he watched everything he ate? Because like all men, he is visual as in attraction/mating system strategy! So he wanted to "VISUALLY LOOK" GOOD! The only problem with that, is that the female mating system is connected to her right brain's communication system. So that's why the Beauty and the Beast Factor is so effective. It's all about communication and social skills for her! Ok, so here's what happened! After about the 5th session, I was convinced that this guy really, really understood the whole stay out of the linear, laser beam thing and don't go into hunter mode which I had taught him over and over and over. I had taught him to give her plenty of space, have an open body language, lean back, cross his arms, etc. etc. etc. So we go to the local farmers market on Sunday! hahaha... now, remember, this guy is a go getter. So shyness is not his problem at all... hahaha... So Bamm! Within 10 minutes he see's this beautiful, tall, in perfect shape, mid 20's beauty! He grabs me firmly jerks my arm to get me to look! And I was like Damn! Wow! And I mean Damn, this chick was hot and turns out, she was from Europe. So, he waits, waits and waits and then she walks into this area where she is cornered on 3 sides. And I start to say, "Noooooooo....". And he grins! And looks at me with this crazed look in his eyes and says, "I've got her cornered!" And immediately goes in for the kill!!! hahahaha... And I am like, "OMG! This is not going to end well!" hahahhaha... he throws everything out of the window! Tip: Seriously guys, absolutely do not, do not, do not corner a girl! Just don't freaking do it! It scares the crap out of women big time, especially when you have that thirst, fangy, salivating look on your face! So, what I recommend, is always leave an opening, back up, give her space and even turn your body open or step to the side so she has an out. That way she will feel she can leave any time she wants! OK! I mean seriously, doesn't that make sense! *** And, admit it, how many times have you thought like this. "I've got her trapped!" hahaha... or something to this effect? I mean, you have and I know you have heard your buddies unconsciously say something to this effect! So here we are, around high noon, on a warm, very sunny day and he literally pounces, squares up on her and is leaning forward into her space with that creepo look and invading her space! I mean, he literally threw everything out of the window that I taught him. Now here's what happens. She #1 Steps back, #2 Leans back, #3 Crosses her arms, #4 turns away, #5 has a panicked trapped animal look in her eyes! NOW, these are all huge, huge, huge signs that she A. doesn't like him and B. is scared to death and he misses all of it! Again, all guys do. Ok, a ton of guys, most guys! So he starts talking to her rapidly and she barely speaks any English and he's says to me, "cool, she's European!" So, she starts trying to talk, is panicking and I grab his arm and say into his ear, back up, lean back and give her some space! He jerks his arm away from my hand, and says, "Leave me alone!" At this point, I am seriously concerned for this girl as she is getting more and more scared. And I then grabbed him and said, "Come on, let's leave, you are scaring her badly!" And he looks at me like I am nuts! And says, "IF You want to leave, leave!" At that point, her friend OLGA the Giant Olympic Power lifter walks up and shoves him! hahahaha... And she starts yelling at him telling him how he is scaring her and needs to leave, etc. etc. And he starts to say, "No I am not, I like her, I am trying to ask her out, etc. etc." Now get this guys! He like most guys have zero clue when girls are putting up body language that clearly says, I am scared or angry or disinterested, etc. etc. and guys completely miss it, because A. he is in his left brain and in ultra narrow, Oblivious Linear mode! Thus he can't see shit anyways. And B. her body language is the right brains body language, not the left brain, male body language. And that is why guys completely miss her communication. Anyways, later when we were in the car he was astonished at how rude her friend was! So I pull over and say, "You've got to be kidding me?" And he was like, "What?" "What are you talking about!" So, we got out of the care and I drew a walled in space in the dirt and then did exactly what he did to her. I leaned in, talked fast, sqaured up, put the same linear look on my face with that pasted smile, etc. etc. And then he said, "Oh, I did do that huh?" And now, for the first time in his life, he finally, finally got it! So guys, remember, You are a total and complete stranger to her and using that hunter mode Freddy Krueger look isn't helping! So just Relax, breath deep and slow, give her space and lean back and let her talk! Yes, there is a lot more to this, but, this at least gives you the information that you do not lean into a girl in that linear mode. My girlfriend in my 20's called that "Space invaders" and then always said, "How Rude!" IF you really want to get the Real Course and training on how to do this effectively with someone who has mastered this art, then give me a call 415 456 8558 Mike Kollin Male to Female Communication Expert Dating and Relationship Coach, NLP Trainer, Master Hypnotherapist and body language expert 415 456 8558
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