You Can't Communicate with Someone Who isn't Listening!

You can't Communicate with someone who isn't Actively Listening!

Listening to Understand is the #1 Communication Skill
A lot of times people are standing there physically but they are filtering out everything you are saying through a filter. And this can cause them to not even Hear you let alone understand you!
 
So stop wasting your time and energy on them... if you are saying A. and they are Hearing B. it's because they are not actually listening to "UNDERSTAND!!" They are filtering everything you are saying through a belief, assumption or Generalization!
 
This skill is so vital it will destroy your life and relationships if you do not engage with someone who Actually knows how to Listen to Understand!

In Short the Skill you need to Develop is to completely shut your mind off. Meaning "No Thinking while someone is talking to you!" None! Zero!
 
#1 You have to simply "Listen to Understand!" 
And you can not do this if you are worried about what you want to or are going to say next! You have to completely wipe any and all thoughts clean from your mind!

And have an Empty Mind!
 
Empty your mind and have nothing but Clarity like an empty vessel or an empty cup ready to receive fully what they are saying and what the message is they are communicating to you!

And that is the Most Important Key! To be Open minded and Open your heart to Fully and Completely Receive their Communication Fully and Completely without interrupting!!! 

So many people want to Interrupt and talk before the other person has completed their thought. You have to "STOP" completely and just Listen to Receive their entire communication and thought.

It's like Watching a Movie! Let them fill in all the blanks and let them put all the pieces of the puzzle together for you. Don't Interrupt or assume anything. Just Be Quiet and let them talk to you!

It's exactly like going to a Movie. You don't' constantly talk out loud to people. Even the person next to you will be like "SHUT UP!!! Watch the Movie!!! Stop interrupting the Movie!!" 

That would be like getting up, going to the bathroom in the middle of the movie and missing 5 minutes of the movie. Then you get up again to go talk to someone in the hallway on your cell phone. Then later on you get up and go smoke a cigarette outside. 

By the time the movie has ended you say, "That Movie sucked. It didn't make any sense!!!"

Well Yeah because you missed Key Parts of the Communication / Movie and there are Blank Spots that are not tied together. So you didn't understand it!

It's the same way when talking to a friend our spouse or at work. 
This may sound harsh but it's the best way to say it in a short amount of time. All you have to do is completely "Shut Up and Listen to Understand!"


#2 You have to want to hear what they are saying!
In other words "NOT" what you assume or believe or want them to say! You have to merely listen to understand what they are saying and listen to understand them and what they are communicating!

#3 You have to listen for and look for their "INTENTION"!
This one is Powerful!!!

Now this is where a lot of people get messed up!
 
They do not listen for or look for the other person's intention!
Many times people add their Intention to the other person's Communication or Assume what the Intention is! 

* Remember, you can always ask for clarification!

It's like you have to look just past their words and communication literally look behind their communication and listen for and look for the overall intention of their communication.

Ask yourself, "What is their intention?" "What is it they are actually communicating to me! What is the image or picture they want me to understand with greater clarity?"
 
#4 Predicate Systems
What Predicate System are they using? And what Predicate System do I need to communicate in order for them to understand me?

Now this is an actual training, but I will give you the Core meaning of this.

We all communicate unconsciously in 4 different languages otherwise known as Predicate systems.
 
Predicate Systems:

Visual - See, Look, Picture, Bright, Shiny, that Looks Right, that guy is sharp

Auditory - Listen, Talk to me, Communicate, Words, Hear, Sound, Sounds right, That rings a Bell

Kinesthetic - Touch, Feel, I get it, I have a bad feeling, I have a Good Feeling about this project, Emotions, Grab Ahold of, Feelings

Auditory Digital - Think, Logic, Logical, Make Sense, Analytical

Now if you listen to their words they will be using words from these 4 lists. All you have to do is match them and or repeat / use the same or similar word from their list or lists of Predicates they are using!

* Now obviously there are much more words in each of these 4 lists but this gives you the gist of it.
 
Communication is a very, very challenging subject. Trust me, take it easy on yourself and on the people in your life! I am a Communication Master and even I get caught up at times.

But there are real simple, easy yet Powerful Communication skills that will Massively help you to gain control of your communication and be more effective so you can create a happy relationship and enjoy your life much more!
 
Remember: The #1 Communication skill is Listening - Listening to Understand

If someone simply will not or can not listen then it's a lost cause! 
So don't beat yourself up or get too upset about it! 

 

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