Is the art of Chivalry lost? Dating / Relationship Coaching San Francisco to Las Vegas.
Here are 2 of my responses to a linkedin posting:
To my clients, read this, trust me, read this!!! Powerful Boundaries will attract her!!!
Author Mike Kollin
Mike Kollin • Well, there are a bunch of factors. Women have now taken up around 50% of the work force and make more money than men. Thus more men are struggling to be able to pay for dinner.
And a lot of women don’t like it when a man opens a door for them. And some women want a man shake and others want you to shake their hands in the more traditional sense. But, they don’t tell you until after you did it the wrong way as in not the way they want…
So from a male perspective in the modern world, we get yelled at for opening doors. We get yelled at for not doing the handshake she prefers, even though we have no clue which one it is for that individual woman; it’s not like she is wearing a sign…
And women in general have completely thrown out traditional Chivalry!
The entire dating and relationship courtship has been thrown out the window by women.
So if you want to bring back tradition, you will have to go after the Female Gender and bring them back. From a males perspective, we don’t know what to do…
I tell my male clients that they should be who they are regardless of who she is. And if she doesn’t like who you are, then walk…
For example, if you like to open a door for a lady, then do so. If she balks, yells or reads you the feminist riot act, end the date immediately as you 2 are not a match.
Of if you give her a business hand shake and she gets upset or tells you that she is a woman, etc. etc. again, then walk, end the date as you 2 are not compatible.
In fact I think it is much quicker to realize if you are a match or not based on simply being yourself and if she doesn’t like it, then clearly you know it’s not going to work.
And, if you like to shake a ladies hand like a lady and she enjoys that or appreciates being treated like a lady, then hey, you are a match so far! So proceed.
I think we live in a time and an age where the social rules even for dating / courting have been thrown out of the window… There is no 1 way to approach this. So just be who you are and move on…
Another point is that even when we pay for a date/meal, we get the chastising verbiage. I personally feel for men….
But I think this is a very empowering position for men to simply exude who they are and relish in the fact that the female species as a whole is clearly not playing by the rules in this sense, which means you can truly be who you are and let that be a daily lesson in conditioning you to be who you are all the time. She will appreciate getting to know you a lot faster when you are being you!
Dating and Relationship Coach.
Male to Female Communication Expert.
Mike Kollin • (Please read with a bit of tongue n cheek and laughter!)
After having more than a few women Chastise me & other men verbally, in public for merely opening a door, I stopped opening doors for women and simply open it for myself and walk in. After having more than 100s of women chastise me for shaking their hand the way my grand mother and mother taught me to do, I merely shake every woman’s hand as if they are full grown 6′ tall, 200 pound business man, firm, tight and direct, to the point! If they don’t like it, well, too bad!
My point, it’s not up to the male species to bring back Chivalry. It’s up to the Female species to play by the rules or simply let men be men as in opening doors, proper hand shake, pulling out chairs, etc.
Until then, I suggest men treat women as Full Grown, Masculine men, until they women, as a society, group want to be treated as women. Because from a man’s perspective, “How in the hell are we supposed to know who wants their door opened and who doesn’t? Who wants their chair pulled out and who doesn’t? Who wants to be treated like a lady and who doesn’t? To say the least it’s very confusing. And after getting screamed at for merely opening a door multiple times, I’m personally done!
I find it quite odd how a human would yell at someone for being courteous and polite!
Ladies, maybe you ought to have a meet and greet with each other and make a decision because once again as you all have heard on TV, movies, in public and in person, “MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS!!!” We have no clue what you are thinking or what you want!” So please give up that hope that men can magically mind read you!
If you want us to know what you are thinking, put a huge, massive, big n bold, neon sign above your head that tells us what you are thinking and what you want!
That ought to help.
This point is mute and ridiculous that men should even consider playing these idiotic social games.
Men, stand up, be proud and stop putting up with this childish game with women. Until you do, they will jerk you around…
Of course, if you have a sweet, feminine lady you are dating or married to who you know enjoys being treated like a lady, by all means, of course pull out that chair and open that door and treat her as if you are Knight in Shining Armor! Why not!
In fact, be upfront, direct and blunt when you first meet her, before you go out, ask her if she likes it when men open doors and pull out chairs and are chivalrous.
Until then open that door up and put yourself first. You too deserve to be treated like a King! Besides, women love it when they find a true King! It’s true you know! So Be the King!
Dating & Relationship Coach
Male to Female Communication Expert